The Butch-Femme
Remember the first time you began to think that you were different from all the other girls? You know the type? I want a husband, 2.5 kids, a new car , and a house in the suburbs. Well I knew early on this road was not an option for me, at some point I realized I wanted the same thing the guys did, A GIRL FRIEND
men just never truly clicked for me. I have crushes on all types of ladies from the hairdresser to the bank teller to the ever popular choice the teacher. It is common for most lesbians to discover their first romantic feelings through these types of encounters or secret loves. I guess this was about the time I discovered I was attracted to a certain type of woman as well, the elusive femme, a lady who wears makeup, loves her dresses, high heels, wouldn’t be caught dead without her hair just so, and let’s not forget those well manicured cat like nails.
As I get older I’ve come to accept certain facts, I’m a butch, it is who I am, it is not my role! It’s really quite simple as a butch; I want someone who is my complete opposite. It’s funny how all the things I wouldn’t do or wear, I love in the women I date! The whole world is modeled on male and female roles, so inadvertently we apply this to our real lives when in search of our romantic partners. There all extremes of being butch and there can be just as many for the femmes, while many women don’t identify as either label. It’s really all about being comfortable with who you are and finding the type of ladies you prefer in your life for romance.
Now for those of you, who don’t understand or agree with the butch – femme mystique, don’t worry because you are not alone! It’s taken me the better part of 30 years and I still don’t always get it, you will find that people can have some rather strong opinions on this perplexing and complicated subject. Don’t understand what I’m talking about; examine your own insights on the people you see around you or date. At any given time look at a personals ad online or in print, you have some women who avoid what they call “pseudo males “, their reaction is “If I wanted to be with a man, I’d be with a real man“.
This phrase always brings about a strong reaction from me, just because you are a butch, it does not mean you want to be a man! There really are no roles in a relationship, it is all give and take my dear reader’s. It’s about finding the balance in your life and overall there is something uniquely intriguing about the butch – femme mystique, which is inescapable.
The most obvious difference for butches and femmes is our choice in clothing as well as our mannerisms, while our wonderful femmes love all the frilly sexy clothes with matching accessories. A butch would not get near any of those things unless her companion was sporting them. Most butches like myself prefer casual clothes or pressed shirts with jeans, sneakers, no fuss hairdo’s, natural look to makeup, and nails…What nails? On mannerisms, our wonderful femmes can soothe us with words or inflame our passion with teasing and tantalizing looks. A butch on the other hand is a practiced aggressor and loves to indulge their ladies with romantic gestures, opening doors for them, bringing flowers, candy, jewelry etc… I can’t explain to you why I feel more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt versus wearing a dress and high heels. Well I could but then I would betray the butch code of conduct, “Ok honestly ladies there is no such code! “. It really boils down to one simple statement, whether you are a butch or a femme? As lesbians we love our women with total abandon, “Enough said!”
In the butch – femme mystique, one of our favorite fantasy’s is envisioning ourselves being the white knight coming to the rescue of a fair damsel in distress or perhaps like Prince Charming finding his Cinderella. It is the ultimate conquest to find a Lady to fulfill this fantasy as it can make for the perfect arena for love, often times we may come to the rescue of a fair damsel to find ourselves being saved in the process.
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